A lighter post - Physical Strength, where are you?

For 2 days last week, sitting septic with 103.1 fever with no break, I couldn't move. I couldn't even angle my body or position myself in an easier way for the doctors. Sorry, it was not happening.

4 weeks prior, I was deadlifting 405 lbs, doing 3-4 intense peloton rides a week, walking 7-8 miles each Saturday and bench pressing up to 185/190lbs in addition to the other forms of regular weight training I was doing.

But for 2, maybe even 2.5 days, I couldn't move. 

I've heard my share from people poking fun of my workout regiment prior to getting sick.

I heard people telling me to slow down or be careful or why I was even trying so hard.

That last question I still don't have an answer for. I don't know what motivated me a few years ago to set out on a healthier lifestyle journey, all I know is that today, it's helping save my life. My heart remains healthy no matter how many EKGs or Echo Cardiograms they want to run. My valves are terrific no matter how many ultrasounds they choose to do on me, and my internal organs are unremarkable. 

I attribute that to hard work, day in, day out for the past few years, and the decision we (my wife and I) made collectively some years ago to not look back.

But now, going from laying down to sitting, sitting to standing and standing to walking could bring on light headedness. I have aches in my calves because I did some walking recently after being in bed and I've lost a ton of muscle mass and strength.

I miss my trainer.

I miss my peloton.

One thing I've assured myself is I WILL be back.

When training you learn it's not what the body wants but rather what the body NEEDS. Sometimes the body NEEDS to push even though it wants to rest and vice versa. 

Today, I wanted to wake up, do a 40 minute peloton ride, do a 45 minute training session with Bryan and lift HEAVY. But just getting up, brushing my teeth, walking downstairs and opening a yogurt was a workout.

Where is my strength?

Well - as much as I hate to admit it, my strength is on hiatus.

I will need to start again.

But if you think for one minute I've given it up, I'll ask you all to just wait and see.

I'm super motivated to get back that lovin feelin (Another ear worm for y'all)

I need to get out my gardening gloves and get my "back arms" and "stomach" (Shout out to Malik and Bryan) back in shape.

I have a medium-long road ahead before I can think about it, but for now, I embrace the fact that a walk around the block is a win, and that's all I can do or say for now.

People ask me every day, numerous times, how are you feeling?

It's a crazy question - one that used to be pretty cut and dry.

Either you feel sick and have symptoms? Or you have a cold and you're fine, or you're really generally FINE.

Here's reality though - every day is a challenge. Mentally and Physically. Nothing feels like "me" and I very much feel like an outer body experience each day. My toes and my fingers are always freezing - I assume that has something to do with blood flow and how much it sucks right now for me, and I don't heal quickly anymore. 

Part of "The Flash's" superpowers is super-fast healing. His immune system was infused with the speed force and that's why no matter his injuries, he healed super fast. When there's an issue with the speed force, or his powers, nothing works right. When Superman comes in contact with Kryptonite, his body becomes that of a mortal and weakens him. Spiderman? Spiderman doesn't have any downside, that's why he is the best superhero of all time - Don't get me started on Batman - he's just a wannabe.

I had a superpower. My strength, my youth, my training, my HEALTH. And I am being stripped of that. So sometimes I don't even have the strength to sit and type let alone talk on the phone or reply to texts. Walking around the house can be a chore for me. 

But I'm here.

I'm breathing.

I'm awaiting next steps. 

I've lowered expectations to understand that when the phone rings and they tell me the next steps, that's when I will know them and not before. It doesn't make sense for me to waste energy on thinking about when this will all happen.

I have one responsibility now.

ME.

I must stay "my current version of" Healthy, so we can progress.

I must take care of ME. 

It's a selfish selfish selfish look on things, and hurtful at times considering how many people are doing things FOR me and my family, but it's what I need to focus on.

ME.

So - my strength? If anyone knows of any radioactive super-spiders, I'm willing to give it a shot. Other than that, let's worry about mental strength over physical strength. My coach promises me when I am cleared, we WILL get back to peak physical condition. He'd better be right.

Nobody ever got strong by accident.

I'm glad I did, and it will help my through this.

and then I'll put my purpose back into getting that physical strength back.

For now, I'll just let you take a look at my breakfast these days.

For a guy who was asked no less than a million times in the Hospital whether or not I take supplements, and who answered NO a million times, I find it ironic.