It's so hot in here

It's 2:30 AM, maybe 3:30, by now it's certainly 4.

I am sweating through every piece of clothing i have on so I immediately strip and call for some ice packs.

She says the beeping I hear is coming from the outside, but it's not, it's in here somewhere and it's driving me insane.

I've got 3 IVs in and I'm in the ICU. The most common question here is "do you know where you are?"

Let's back up.

It's Monday, 5/3. I am scheduled for a routine appointment to see an allergist.

They need to know if I am really allergic to penicillin or not. The appointment is for 8 AM. I tried calling over the weekend warning them of my rash explaining how the doctor will likely not be able to determine anything in my current state, but nobody seemed to care.

I showed up, they essentially threw me out because i have a rash.

Yea, exactly.

I'm not feeling great and have the shivers even tho i dont have any fever.

Maybe I'm anxious? maybe my counts are low? only one way to find out.

I make an appointment to see my hematologist later in the day.

I come back later in the afternoon and got some labs drawn and they opted to give me platelets. I head to the transfusion center for a routine transfusion, find a comfy spot and Gina comes over to take my vitals.

I have 102 fever.

Plans have now changed from platelets to immediate antibiotics and admission the the ER to Hackensack hospital. Joy. Lets take my vitals again? BP is low and now i have 103 fever. Rachel comes over with my hospital bag ready to take me to the hospital because they wont allow me to walk.

I stand up, immediately sit back down being lightheaded.

I stand up again, slowly, and then the lights went out.

9-1-1 was called, Rachel was in hysterics, I passed out.

a 20 second ambulance ride later I am greeted by an extremely aggressive, scary and overall unpleasant triage into the ER. Very hectic.

I get a room in the ER, however, still on a stretcher, no pillow and I cant move because I'm nauseous. It's probably 7 PM. Then the fun begins.

ERs are a lot like a testing station for doctors. Sure there's always that 1 maybe 2 doctors who know what they are doing but everyone else is like "HEY I LEARNED THIS!!!" and order every possible test known to man. Prodding and poking, questions on top of questions, Cat Scans, MRIs AND I need to figure out how to pee into this urinal thing because i cant leave my stretcher.

Crashes, booms, loudspeakers, codes, these are all common occurrences in an ER, so even during your 15 minute reprieve between tests, there is no rest.

4 liters of saline later, and a bunch of antibiotics, my fever is at 102.7

But now it's at 103.1 and my BP is still very low.

They want me in the ICU.

To me, an ICU is a place where you go to get intubated and ultimately die. 

messed up outlook? ok. but it's my outlook nonetheless.

I'm told they want to continue to the regiment of antibiotics but also put me on a special medication to jump start my BP and that can only be done in the ICU under strict monitoring.

So, it's Tuesday, 5/4 and I feel half dead.

I've had no reprieve from 103 fever.

no rest

nothing to eat

limited to drink

I get a room in the ICU.

NOT BAD

bed's comfy, nurses are nice enough and there's an Israeli doctor here who doesn't take anything very seriously, so he and I get along just fine. He comes in, sips his coffee, looks at me, smiles and walks out. I'll take it.

The other doctors are extremely reassuring as well so I'm feeling good about that.

But i need SLEEP and food.

I dozed in a few 1 hour increments through the day. 

I'm getting better at peeing into this urinal thing

and my vitals are getting stronger.

we just need this to continue.

I eat 3 meals, drink plenty, answer 100s of questions, get hooked up to more machines I ever knew was possible, and am here for the ride.

Rachel visits and brings me a blue slurpee.

The hope is today 5/5, I can get released from the ICU to a normal room where I can see my regular doctors, ensure everything is clear and be discharged today or tomorrow. 

But yes, as of now it's 4:53 AM, I've been up a few hours, my fever must've broke because I am sweating and there's a beep IN HERE I AM DETERMINED TO FIND.

I thought I was going to die today. I was told I was septic with no immune system. 

But it seems so far we are on the way to a more positive outcome, as of 4:55 AM this Wednesday AM.

Now, where is my french toast I ordered?